j a n s e n. i. s. m.

At past 10 pm, I found myself
desperately sitting on a public air-conditioned bus in the middle of traffic
somewhere in EDSA not fully decided as to what location I’m gonna step off from
this ride. I was from a ‘team building’ activity held at a very posh bar in
Ortigas. It was my first time to go out after the regular 8-hour work, with
officemates. On normal days, by this time I already am sleeping soundly at my
bed in Cavite.

I missed the last MRT ride, and was desperate to get to Ayala the quickest way
to catch the last trip of service to Cavite or else my two options would be:
(a) Ride another bus to Baclaran where there’s hope of catching buses en route
Cavite and risk that the stranger standing next to me is a nasty holdupper (b)
Go to a cheap hotel and spend one lonely night there alone. The bus was moving
very sluggish, and the conductor was even barking for some more passengers to
hop in. I was deeply tired, yet my stomach hasn’t felt this full for a long while.
The food served at that place was sumptuous—pizza, nachos, calamari, gambas,
buffalo wings. It was pica-pica style but it turned out to be buffet for most
people. The healthy laughter and videoke songs at the background were gone and
instead, the bustling sound of streets and the TV program shown on the bus are
heard. No more Rox, Topher and John to ask for help, but fellow passengers who
are as desperate as I am to reach our own destinations. At the back of my mind
lies the worry that one of them could be disguised and turned out to be someone
who has an evil and selfish intent on me. So to divert my thinking, I tried to
look around for familiar street signs or buildings to gauge how far still I am
to Ayala. Finally I saw Cybergate, and the traffic flow has loosened up. At 10:55
pm, I got off the bus when the conductor shouted “Rustan’s” and I hurriedly
crossed the street. I can count on my hands the number of people I passed along
the side of Glorietta and Landmark which are obviously closed because of its
9/10 pm closing time. I was walking briskly and it felt like I was up for some
competition to reach the finish line which in this case was the last service
trip to Cavite
at Park Square 2. It felt weird to reach the terminal without the crowd and with
very few vehicles left. Not the normal scenario on this place. I asked the
dispatcher for any seats left and I was getting lucky this time. One last seat
occupied by myself and there the van started to move…. And my thoughts began to
float…

FEAR. Whether it’s the fear of getting
lost, being alone in a bus, facing a hold-up situation, getting bumped by a car
while crossing the street, being unwelcome and rejected by your colleagues, and
not making it home…

EXPERIENCE lessens our fear.
Sometimes, we have to be alone to feel secured… we have to be unwelcome to feel
accepted… we have to be lost to finally find home…

I was able to endure another bus
ride from Bacoor to Rosario, Cavite…and then the final ride is with a
tricycle. It was around 12:30 am, when my mom opened the door for me and I
declared myself… HOME.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 13th, 2006 at 12:44 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.