j a n s e n. i. s. m.

10.24.06

After 2 months of training, 1 month at bench, and 3
months at my current project as a shadow resource – that is equivalent to 6
months of commuting in the city (2 in Makati 4 and counting in Mandaluyong), I am now officially a regular employee of the company. It kind of feels like graduation again,
getting through the first six difficult months of a new joiner at my first job.
And looking back at the journey I had—the adjustments, the ‘first’ experiences,
the nice and the not-so-nice people– six months later make a huge difference
from the first time I walked in to our training room in GT Tower. I can truly say
that I have become a better person now and I can only wonder, what could be
next for me?

Truth is I am not certain, and lately my attitude
in life has just become passive rather than active. I do not have a solid
career plan for now because through the years I realized that the more I plan
things out the less the realization of the plans are. Or sometimes it’s like
reverse psychic, you imagine things to happen this way and you’ll be surprise
that it is unfolding the complete opposite way. So might as well go with the
flow, complain little, believe that what’s
meant to happen is what’s going to happen and trust God 100% that He has
good plans for me as He has for all of us!

09.28.06

Anyone who has experienced the recent
signal number three typhoon Milenyo has his/her own story to tell on how such
calamity has caused damage, loss and inconvenience in their lives and how much
they want to damn Milenyo for causing it. My story is quite ironic, yes it was
a distressing experience but on the other hand it left me with something to be
thankful for.

I was stranded on a not-so-comfortable
airconditioned bus in that area around Aguinaldo shrine for several hours due
to extreme flood and stalled vehicles in the Kawit-Noveleta area.  Thank God I was not with a bunch of strangers,
because my good friend Sarita was there as well who made me felt safe and sane
despite such stressful situation. Interestingly, she was not the only
acquaintance I had with me inside that Saulog bus though I have not told her.
Among the fellow stranded passengers, was someone I know and who I last saw
some four years ago. And of all places or situation I’d think we might see each
other again, on a stranded bus comes least on my mind. Sarita and I were
sitting on the middle section of Saulog bus while he is sitting about three or
four seats behind us almost near the last. It was an awkward situation for both
of us. I was worried to be denied sort of if I made the first move to say ‘hi’
while he still might have some resentment on me after the wrong I have done in
the past. So despite the given chance, almost 8 hours after our bus and the
other stranded vehicles have crossed the challenging road of Kawit, our reunion
ended without a word uttered as he stepped out the bus in the Noveleta
stopover. Just like that, my silent prayer went on that he reached his home
safe. For Sarita and I, our journey inside the Saulog bus concluded when we
reached their house in Cavite City around 2:30 am. The road to Salinas is impossibly passable during that
time so I was most welcome by Sarita’s family to stay there till  morning.

On my way home, seeing wrecked houses
and surroundings, devastated faces of people along the road, I realized that it’s
sad how forces of nature can bring tremendous damage and inconvenience to our
lives but amazing how on the other hand for few like me can bridge gaps in our
lives… at least physical gap. The unexpected lesson I learned from Milenyo is that
some mistakes are forgiven but not forgotten. I respect that, at least there is
a part of me that has moved on and is no longer stranded in the past.

It took more than twenty four hours
before I had returned home. I deserved more rest so I had to make my first
official leave for work. This time, I found myself stranded again — at home,
but ready to move on.

09.24.06

Relationships fail and the hardest part when lovers end a relationship is how both adjust back to a life without the other. How do one recover and the other move on? Some take their time to recover themselves first before moving on. Some are desperate to recover immediately what was lost. While some are so consumed with emotions they never realize why failure happens and move on so easy by finding someone to replace what’s been emptied.

Friendships fail too and the question is, when two friends had a misunderstanding or argument do they necessarily need to break their friendship? How does one forgive and move on? Some would easily forgive and recall the damage. Some put their friendship on VL (vacation leave) and time can tell when one is ready to put the pride aside and patch things up because he needs their friend back. Others are lucky to be too friendly that they really wouldn’t mind losing one because they have plenty of BU (back-up) friends. And there are those special friendships where one just wants the other to realize in time that this failure was meant to happen and a friendly lesson has to be learned at the end.

Relationships… 99% are not perfect and the one percent that’s only perfect is God’s relationship to us (not our relationship to Him).

Friendships… are also not perfect… you cannot expect the best from your friends but there could always be something better to expect.