j a n s e n. i. s. m.

Time. I met up with a few
friends at the mall last November 12, a Sunday. The original plan was for the
whole group to go to Cavite City’s fiesta as Jhing
had invited us which supposed to be our general meeting to finalize our
November hangout. But when a few friends responded to me that they cannot come
for personal reasons or they might be late while some have not really given a
damn, I decided to have a sudden change of plan. I hooked up with Sheena (my
devoted church choir cousin/friend), Gladys (my most loyal friend) and Rodel
(celebrating his second ‘monthsary’ with his friend) to go to GST instead that
night. Gladys and I went together to the mall to kill some time while waiting
for Sheena’s choir engagement to end and since Rodel and his ‘friend’ were also
at the mall already, we can all leave there together. After being a willing
shopping partner for Gladys, hurting our feet wandering at the mall, and just
when I thought we were about to go… Rodel expressed some hint of uncertainty
about the plan. His ‘friend’ was kinda
feeling dizzy (which I jokingly suspected to have been pregnant), they needed
to leave. Gladys and I understood the predicament, and Sheena agreed through a
text message that we should just not continue the plan and just go home
instead. Before Rodel left, out of another disappointment, I told him to take
the responsibility of putting together our November group date and that I won’t
have any participation on the planning anymore and he agreed. About two
weekends have passed (last weekend of November), and I’m still a lonely
desperate friend realizing that yes time may heal wounds… but time can wound
friendships too.

Mistake. Getting a haircut is not
one of my favorite activities to do. I remember in high school and college how
I end up dealing with the abominable security guards because they won’t let me
in the campus for my hair was long. I was simply too lazy to go to a barber
shop or salon and somehow I’m anxious how my new hairstyle would affect my
self-esteem that I get a haircut just when the need arises. I recently went to
a popular salon inside a mall to get my haircut done there once again. The
service was simply the best this time (they massage your head and back while
waiting for your preferred hairstylist) but the haircut I ended up getting was just
the worst (and my family members agreed). I was hoping to exit the salon
looking like a young professional, but it turned out to be my military man
alter-ego. My hair was just shaved so thin that when it’s wet one could see how
white my head skin is. I made a mistake of choosing the hairstyle perhaps and
becoming passive to what the cutter was doing, so I didn’t really complain and
just said to myself that I just have to deal with it. After all, it was one of
those mistakes that we don’t have power to undo… but a mistake we wish we won’t
redo in the future.

Truth. I’ve been getting some
comments again about my thinness. One time I was ‘AIMing’ with a ‘not-so-liked’
ex-officemate to inquire about my training schedules and I can’t believe how
out of the topic she popped a blunt message saying a ‘not-close-to-me’ employee
refers to me as the ‘mapayat’. As if this ‘not-so-liked’ ex-officemate is the
healthiest woman on earth where in reality she’s just as ‘payat’ as I am. And
for the benefit of the ‘not-close-to-me’ employee and other people who thinks I
am thin and unhealthy, my physique has something to do with genetics because
everyone in my family is thin. I may not eat much vegetables and fish like
healthy people do, I may not have an appetite of a sumo wrestler, but I eat a
lot in a day and I am becoming a desperate junk food person again (love Sour
Glow Worms and Cheetos). It’s just that I have such a fast metabolism or maybe
it has something to do with me taking Xenical as vitamins (as I jokingly told
Rakelli, a high school friend I recently saw and chat with on my way to work
after several years, who commented that I was thinner this time). I couldn’t
help but wish I was invisible every time people would make these comments about
my thinness but then you can’t blame them for saying what’s true. Sometimes,
truth when told by other people really hurts our ego, more than accepting the
truth to ourselves.

Time. I met up with a few
friends at the mall last November 12, a Sunday. The original plan was for the
whole group to go to Cavite City’s fiesta as Jhing
had invited us which supposed to be our general meeting to finalize our
November hangout. But when a few friends responded to me that they cannot come
for personal reasons or they might be late while some have not really given a
damn, I decided to have a sudden change of plan. I hooked up with Sheena (my
devoted church choir cousin/friend), Gladys (my most loyal friend) and Rodel
(celebrating his second ‘monthsary’ with his friend) to go to GST instead that
night. Gladys and I went together to the mall to kill some time while waiting
for Sheena’s choir engagement to end and since Rodel and his ‘friend’ were also
at the mall already, we can all leave there together. After being a willing
shopping partner for Gladys, hurting our feet wandering at the mall, and just
when I thought we were about to go… Rodel expressed some hint of uncertainty
about the plan. His ‘friend’ was kinda
feeling dizzy (which I jokingly suspected to have been pregnant), they needed
to leave. Gladys and I understood the predicament, and Sheena agreed through a
text message that we should just not continue the plan and just go home
instead. Before Rodel left, out of another disappointment, I told him to take
the responsibility of putting together our November group date and that I won’t
have any participation on the planning anymore and he agreed. About two
weekends have passed (last weekend of November), and I’m still a lonely
desperate friend realizing that yes time may heal wounds… but time can wound
friendships too.

Mistake. Getting a haircut is not
one of my favorite activities to do. I remember in high school and college how
I end up dealing with the abominable security guards because they won’t let me
in the campus for my hair was long. I was simply too lazy to go to a barber
shop or salon and somehow I’m anxious how my new hairstyle would affect my
self-esteem that I get a haircut just when the need arises. I recently went to
a popular salon inside a mall to get my haircut done there once again. The
service was simply the best this time (they massage your head and back while
waiting for your preferred hairstylist) but the haircut I ended up getting was just
the worst (and my family members agreed). I was hoping to exit the salon
looking like a young professional, but it turned out to be my military man
alter-ego. My hair was just shaved so thin that when it’s wet one could see how
white my head skin is. I made a mistake of choosing the hairstyle perhaps and
becoming passive to what the cutter was doing, so I didn’t really complain and
just said to myself that I just have to deal with it. After all, it was one of
those mistakes that we don’t have power to undo… but a mistake we wish we won’t
redo in the future.

Truth. I’ve been getting some
comments again about my thinness. One time I was ‘AIMing’ with a ‘not-so-liked’
ex-officemate to inquire about my training schedules and I can’t believe how
out of the topic she popped a blunt message saying a ‘not-close-to-me’ employee
refers to me as the ‘mapayat’. As if this ‘not-so-liked’ ex-officemate is the
healthiest woman on earth where in reality she’s just as ‘payat’ as I am. And
for the benefit of the ‘not-close-to-me’ employee and other people who thinks I
am thin and unhealthy, my physique has something to do with genetics because
everyone in my family is thin. I may not eat much vegetables and fish like
healthy people do, I may not have an appetite of a sumo wrestler, but I eat a
lot in a day and I am becoming a desperate junk food person again (love Sour
Glow Worms and Cheetos). It’s just that I have such a fast metabolism or maybe
it has something to do with me taking Xenical as vitamins (as I jokingly told
Rakelli, a high school friend I recently saw and chat with on my way to work
after several years, who commented that I was thinner this time). I couldn’t
help but wish I was invisible every time people would make these comments about
my thinness but then you can’t blame them for saying what’s true. Sometimes,
truth when told by other people really hurts our ego, more than accepting the
truth to ourselves.

jansen + photography
brownout buddies
hIDing inside skyflakes
car accident
kyla on womb
frying coffee
self-shot side view
wedding cake
slippery when wet
lost forest in our front yard