j a n s e n. i. s. m.

"It
was raining that night, not too heavy but it wasn’t a mere drizzle, and I felt
cold each time a raindrop touches my skin.

He
appeared half-expectedly, and I was sure why he came and it was not for me. He
was apologetic for the obvious but not the thoughtful person he used to be. He
started talking about himself as usual but he never asked how my life has been
in the past two weeks or in the last twenty minutes he was sitting there with
us. “Did you just arrive?” was the only question I remember he asked me. I was
giving him the cold shoulder in return though I’m not sure he noticed.

A
few minutes later, he left with warning and somehow, I let go so easy. I was
naïve, but it was difficult inside.

Rain
continued to drop from heaven, it felt colder and l understood why sometimes
when rain pours it becomes too personal."

(excerpt from ‘When It
Rains It Pours’ by Jamie Fisher)

Anxiety crept on me when
I read an email from my HR scheduler saying that I’m currently being proposed
to a project. Wow. That’s just great news after being at bench for about 4
months now. However, I kinda worry that this might be my last week of no
pressure, less stressful life here at bench. All these scenarios (good and bad)
that could possibly happen or change by next week are starting to play on my
mind. I wish I could reveal more but I don’t wanna jeopardize anything by
talking too much detail about my job.

Earlier this week,
Monday night, I got a surprise visit at home from Arem and Lady. I’ve known both
since I was five and they came to discuss plans for an elementary school class reunion.
Gosh, it’s been ten years since, and although I’m not really sure that dealing
with batchmates from D.P.J.E.S. class ’97 would be such a fun idea knowing how
we have changed after a decade, I agreed to attend the meeting this Sunday. So,
look forward for a blog about that, perhaps by next week.

My good friend Sarita is
returning to a normal day shift sched by next week, if everything goes well (my
fingers are crossed!). Can’t wait to have a companion going home again. Rodel
on the other hand, is convincing me that we move and share with him an
apartment in the city as soon as his new job in Ortigas/Shaw is final. I said
that it’s not practical for me right now, but I’ll probably reconsider once I’m
involved with a project and my schedule starts to get crazy. After all, I’m
already 23 and somehow I should learn how to be independent.

Dad is coming home in
mid June, according to Mom who is the most excited about it. Finally, I’m getting
a passport in June with Dad’s help. Not that I need it badly.

And finally, I just like
to tell that I’m missing someone (what a relief to say that!) but I can’t tell
who and even I won’t appreciate you telling me who do you think it is I miss. But Jayson
and Judie know, and thanks to them I think I’ll be
just fine.

As a compromise for not going to the funeral wake of Honey’s
grandmother, I confirmed to Agooh a Saturday night hangout at GST (again!). It
was already quarter to 9 (but only 9pm in real time) when I left home to meet
him, Shen and Honey at McDonald’s just beside GST and I hated the fact that I
was already dressed up at least an hour earlier.

It was a mix of nerve and excitement as I walked alone to
the meeting place and ironically I was the last to arrive. Soon, I felt warm to
see the three of them after such a long time. They immediately noticed my thin
(or thinner, as they said) physique, and much to my hate, no one cared that I looked
good wearing my cool off-white shirt with suspenders print. Agooh looked same
except for his thick mustache which he carried very well. Shen was casual in
her striped collar shirt and bare face. While Honey is still pretty even if
with her braces, sporting a body-hugging sleeveless top and denim jeans. Soon
the four of us found ourselves sitting on a table at Hotshots (same spot as
last time I’ve been here) whose amiable owner is the now familiar to me, Kuya
Joel.

Over bottles of light beer, sisig and pizza (which Michelle
ordered and paid for, ok it’s Shen but the pizza box had that mistaken name),
we talked and did the most catching up we could do that night: Agooh is doing
well in nursing school, now on his 3rd year and has already mastered how to
perform vaccination. His LL is just as great (and even given me an advice or
two), his first time to have a different kind of lover. Shen is loving her work
in Antico and is currently balancing a long distance relationship with a nurse
now based in Ohio,
US. Honey’s now a daunting mother (Happy Mother’s Day!) to Richard and Richmond, living with her
husband in the mountainey (her own description) area of Rizal. While I shared
to them my not-so-happy career, my still-zero-almost-boring LL, and my sad encounter
with an ex-crush from HS.

Of course, we also chatted about our other classmates in RI
and how their lives have changed after the years that have passed.
Coincidentally, we saw Ana May passing by in GST but too sad that she can’t
stay for more than 5 minutes with us. We were already running out of things to
talk about and we were already on our fourth beer for the night when TJ, who
Agooh texted to come, finally showed up. As usual, he provided the best comic
relief and the juiciest gossips in town.

It was past 1:30AM when we decided to end the night. As
agreed Shen and I shared the bill, and thank God the cash I had left on my
wallet was just enough. I hugged them all except TJ who was somewhat jealous
that night because I was flirting with his friend before I took the ride on my
way home. It was 2:30 in the morning
when mom halfhearted opened the door for me (about quarter to 1 in real time).

I texted the three of them thank you and how I had such a
great time with this date. Agooh replied saying thank you and wishing me
goodluck to my LL. Shen sent a message too hoping that there will be a next
time and that it won’t happen after a year.

As I put my
semi-drunk self to bed, I felt happy knowing that there’s no love lost with my
high school friends despite the lack of communication all these years.

I’m writing a quick post
here, just to update the curious ones what’s been happening in my life since I
turned 23 and maybe a little spill on others’ lives too.

Work is boring as usual
so at home, I try my best to avoid the same from happening by making myself
busy and entertained.

I recently got a copy of The Devil Wears Prada in BookSale
for only 95 bucks. I definitely won’t buy this stuff for 300+ at National Bookstore
but since I surprisingly found a second hand copy at  a very
low price (still in good condition, the pages are not yellowish except for some
slightly bended portion at the back), I knew it’d be a good buy and a good read
too. I’m half-finished with the book… it’s humorous and very light to read. As
a new good practice, I’ve been jotting down new vocabularies I encounter while reading
it. Finishing this book is my first step to seriously get back to my reading
hobby and I plan to read a new novel or a self-help book at least once a month.
I’m eyeing Mitch Albom’s new book, For One More Day (which now has a
cheaper paperback version in NBS though I am open to any sponsor) as my next.

As far as couch
potato in me is concerned, I am currently hooked up to Greys’ Anatomy – a US TV series about surgical interns - being
shown locally in Studio 23 every Thursday night(Oops! We don’t have cable). I
haven’t missed a single episode since Season 3 started airing and I keep myself
in the loop by reading articles in Wikipedia. I just previewed the original
soundtrack through this site  and gee do I want to own
one — seriously. Or if anyone reading this already has a copy, let me borrow it so I can rip
in my PC and put on my shuffle.

Speaking of IPod shuffle
(which was my pre-birthday gift to myself), I finally bought a portable speaker
– Edifier MP220 to get rid of the
ordinary 2-piece desktop speakers which my cousin Gerald lent me to use when I
listen to my favorite MP3s at home. The new speaker is working great so far, it
produces better sounds and the fact that it’s light and portable makes it just
perfect for me.

On some lucky days, I
get to deal with other things than a book, TV, an mp3 player and myself to get rid of boredom.

As a matter of fact, I’ve
been getting in touch with some high school classmates/friends lately. It
started on my birthday when Shen, Prue (Mira) and Agooh sent me their
greetings. One afternoon, I saw Piper (Romeo) online and we chatted for about
30 minutes catching up in each other’s lives because it’s been a damn long time
since I last heard of him. I learned that Piper is expecting a baby with his
wife in one month time and he even asked me to be a godparent. He said he’d
call me but till now he hasn’t. The following morning, it was Prue who’s online
and on top of the many things we talked about, she told me she’s expecting a
baby herself. I guess I might be next -kidding of course.

Last weekend, Agooh
texted me informing that Honey’s (my HS closest friend) grandma passed away and
she’s coming to Cavite
for it,  so Agooh asked me if I’d like to
go with him and Shen as well to the wake. Thinking that it was a Sunday and
we’ll meet early evening, I said yes but Agooh never made a reply until 4 hours
later saying that we go instead the next night since Honey will be home only by
that time. I agreed initially but the following morning I backed out realizing
that I would be too tired when I get there, we will have limited time to talk,
and I felt it would be weird and ironic to rekindle our friendships at such sad
event.

On other friendships, I
saw my college friend Lauro (Jhayr) unexpectedly when I dropped by at a mall a
couple of Wednesdays ago. For a while, I am estranged with him because of the
thing that happened with Jane. But as fate may have planned it, we saw each
other at the second floor of the mall and that’s it I was finally able to talk with him again and got first hand
information that he and Jhing are set to leave for Dubai  this coming Sunday already.

However, I just recently
found out that it seems that Lauro will be the only one leaving because Jhing is
backing out due to some worries about a new policy for Filipino women working
in Dubai. –Thanks to Sarita and Krishna for the heads
up!

 Among other friends that
I dealt with in the past couple of weeks:

• Rodel and I met up at Bo’s Coffee in Glorietta last May 3. Apparently, he might be working in the city quite soon and treating me some frapuccino the next time we see each other there. We
  talked about many stuffs in that coffee shop but most I can’t divulge
  here. But in fairness to him, he’s the only friend I have constant
  communication with, and knows things about my ‘you-know-what’ and I’m thankful for that.

• I came across with my super cousin/friend
  Sheena (who’s now working in Astec) on my way home last Wednesday night
  and even if I was there in her sister’s wedding last Saturday too, I still
  miss her.

• Judie, who now rarely texts, sent me a
  forwarded message one night. I’d told her that I’m reading TDWP and I
  promised to lend it to her on our next group get together.

• I forwarded Jess contact details of a company in EPZA who invited me for application but duh? I already have a job, I may
  not be totally happy but I’m still under contract.

So I guess that would be
all for now, my past two weeks in a nutshell (ironic that it seems like it’s onew of my
longest blog ever). I haven’t been this talkative, so please let me know if you
like what you just read (pop me: jpcanaria or place your comment here). Trust
me, it will make my day and you might even see your name here next week fro
your generosity. Super thanks! – Jansen

I woke up the morning of my birthday making reply
to text messages that came one after another. Surprisingly, it was Jhayr who
was the first to greet me through text. It was quite unexpected yet very
appreciated since he did this even if I intentionally did not invite him on my
birthday dinner treat last Saturday for some personal reasons which he
understood very well. Back home, it was Mom who was the first to personally
greet me. I was up early since I paid a short visit to church. I had pancake
& sausage breakfast at McDonald’s, bought newspaper to see my horoscope and
picked up my own birthday food  — Black Forest cake and some ice cream. Somehow, it felt quite weird for me doing this shopping
but what’s weirder is my 4-year old niece, Kyla acting a bit bitchy when I got
home that she didn’t even greet me happy birthday.

We had a family lunch at home where Mom cooked ‘kare-kare’
(Dad’s missing since he’s abroad but he texted me happy birthday earlier!) although
I felt it was nothing but an ordinary Sunday lunch together rather than my
birthday lunch.

Despite being on an official vacation leave, I
opened my email in the afternoon and was surprised to read a thread sent by my
‘bootcamp buddies’ from work greeting me. Then I checked my Friendster, where
Anne and Alvin both have this colorful happy birthday comment made on my
profile page—sweet!

Mom ordered some pancit Malabon for merienda, and
together with the cake and ice cream of course, everyone in the house had too
much calories to burn that afternoon.

Just when I thought my birthday is about to end
that early and I was ready to make a birthday expense summary, I got a text
from Jhosel inviting to hang out that night, together with some friends. Not another
birthday celebration I thought because clearly this was beyond my birthday plan
and budget. I was in my room, texting a few friends to convince them to come
with us tonight, when all of a sudden, I heard some voice calling outside our
house. Soon mom was calling my attention and surprise indeed, it was Sheena and
Glads. Aww… They both missed my birthday treat last Saturday and there they
were in our house this time along with a cake roll as birthday present to make
up for their excuse. Thank God there was food left from merienda, I shared
dinner with them. We talked a lot, even Mom was game for the chitchat and both
agreed to go to GST later on. We hang around my room as I was getting ready for
my birthday-treat-part-two.

Several minutes later, we found ourselves sitting
in GST with light beer served in front of us. Jhosel came soon, Judie (who’s
present again but had to leave earlier as usual!) and Jayson (who insisted on
paying a portion of the bill) were able to join us that night as well. I had
great conversations that night with Glads, Sheena, Jayson and Judie. We
finished almost midnight, almost Labor’s day actually. Indeed it was a perfect
finale to my extended birthday celebration.

I realized though I’ve been celebrating so much
that I haven’t spend time pondering on what
turning 23 means to myself. For now, let me just thank everyone who took
their time out to greet me on my birthday. I really do appreciate it.

I woke up the morning of my birthday making reply
to text messages that came one after another. Surprisingly, it was Jhayr who
was the first to greet me through text. It was quite unexpected yet very
appreciated since he did this even if I intentionally did not invite him on my
birthday dinner treat last Saturday for some personal reasons which he
understood very well. Back home, it was Mom who was the first to personally
greet me. I was up early since I paid a short visit to church. I had pancake
& sausage breakfast at McDonald’s, bought newspaper to see my horoscope and
picked up my own birthday food  — Black Forest cake and some ice cream. Somehow, it felt quite weird for me doing this shopping
but what’s weirder is my 4-year old niece, Kyla acting a bit bitchy when I got
home that she didn’t even greet me happy birthday.

We had a family lunch at home where Mom cooked ‘kare-kare’
(Dad’s missing since he’s abroad but he texted me happy birthday earlier!) although
I felt it was nothing but an ordinary Sunday lunch together rather than my
birthday lunch.

Despite being on an official vacation leave, I
opened my email in the afternoon and was surprised to read a thread sent by my
‘bootcamp buddies’ from work greeting me. Then I checked my Friendster, where
Anne and Alvin both have this colorful happy birthday comment made on my
profile page—sweet!

Mom ordered some pancit Malabon for merienda, and
together with the cake and ice cream of course, everyone in the house had too
much calories to burn that afternoon.

Just when I thought my birthday is about to end
that early and I was ready to make a birthday expense summary, I got a text
from Jhosel inviting to hang out that night, together with some friends. Not another
birthday celebration I thought because clearly this was beyond my birthday plan
and budget. I was in my room, texting a few friends to convince them to come
with us tonight, when all of a sudden, I heard some voice calling outside our
house. Soon mom was calling my attention and surprise indeed, it was Sheena and
Glads. Aww… They both missed my birthday treat last Saturday and there they
were in our house this time along with a cake roll as birthday present to make
up for their excuse. Thank God there was food left from merienda, I shared
dinner with them. We talked a lot, even Mom was game for the chitchat and both
agreed to go to GST later on. We hang around my room as I was getting ready for
my birthday-treat-part-two.

Several minutes later, we found ourselves sitting
in GST with light beer served in front of us. Jhosel came soon, Judie (who’s
present again but had to leave earlier as usual!) and Jayson (who insisted on
paying a portion of the bill) were able to join us that night as well. I had
great conversations that night with Glads, Sheena, Jayson and Judie. We
finished almost midnight, almost Labor’s day actually. Indeed it was a perfect
finale to my extended birthday celebration.

I realized though I’ve been celebrating so much
that I haven’t spend time pondering on what
turning 23 means to myself. For now, let me just thank everyone who took
their time out to greet me on my birthday. I really do appreciate it.